The Exasperated Teacher Blog UK

12 September 2017.

There is nothing more satisfying, as a teacher, when you find a skirt that you can wear to school. It has the perfect length, to the knee and an added bonus… it has pockets to put your whiteboard pens in!!!! You feel really trendy with the stripes and the zip at the back…until…

A girl in your maths group announces that your skirt is doing something strange at the back. You stand straight in horror and fear the worst. It’s tucked into your knickers and tights? 🙈 nope not this time. The seam has split? Well kinda… the wonderfully handy zip at the back has split from the bottom to half the way up! You pull your long vest top out from under the skirt and shimmy it down to cover your modesty.

Just as you are about to dive into the cupboard to rectify the situation, the Principal enters the classroom on her walk around the school. Brilliant timing. Just perfect! You can’t move and must keep your back against the wall at all costs! When she leaves, you breathe out a heavy sigh of relief that you didn’t notice you were even holding in.

Requesting that the kind girl who notified you of the wardrobe malfunction goes to fetch another adult from the other classroom to monitor the class whilst you try and rescue the little outfit and retain some dignity in the situation.

She arrives immediately and you rattle off a quick explanation before diving into the cupboard to try and fix the zip. But it’s no use. It’s not going down and is definitely jammed. You panic and the cupboard becomes claustrophobic within seconds. You cover your behind and sneak out of the cupboard and to the disabled toilet next to the classroom. More space to breathe and panic inside. With the zip refusing to budge up or down, you resort to shimmying out of the skirt and standing in your shiny tights. Praying to any deity that will listen to rescue you from this embarrassing situation, the zip finally moves all the way up, but that wasn’t the direction you wanted it to go in! 🙈 Now you’re praying that the fire alarm doesn’t go off suddenly, because you are in no fit state to walk outside and in no fit state for the fire wardens to catch you in the toilet – half dressed. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the full length mirror and pray that you’ll be able to sort this out so that you don’t have to spend the day flashing your underwear at everyone. You’ve literally been in this school for a week. This is not the kind of reputation you want or need, as a year 6 teacher no less.

Eventually the zip co-operates and the skirt is fixed. Conscious of the effort you had to make in order to shift it, you glance at yourself in the full length mirror and gasp in horror. Hair sticks to your forehead and your face is a glow.

Could this day get any worse?

You waft your hands at your neck and face, to cool down a bit, check the skirt one last time. The zip is in tact and closed together. No split. Fab! We’re looking professional again. Inhaling a large deep breath, you unlock the door and waltz out, as if nothing had even happened. Stepping into the classroom, the children all have their heads down, working hard and nobody, not even the TA, ever mentions the humiliating wardrobe malfunction ever again. You carry on teaching.

It’s like it never even happened.